Psalm 100

I overslept this morning and missed going to church, so I thought I'd have it right here.

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

This is a well-known Psalm, and one that remains fixed in my mind. One of my mentors used to quote verse 4 whenever we started to pray, and I think it's a good approach. Of course, there isn't a need for prayer to be formulaic, but I believe it helps to "count your blessings".

The message within the text and my memtor's advice is that thankfulness and praise are the means by which we connect our selfish hearts with the Perfect love of our Creator. If, for a moment, we can forget our own worries and realize the wonders of His work, all Earthly troubles slip into meaninglessness. The contrast between our Mighty God and each day's trivial problems becomes so stark that we can do no other thing but rejoice.

I will shount to You for joy, my Lord, because I see the beauty of your Creation. With a thankful and gladdened heart I will sing praises to you, because you have given me the blesings that come from nowhere else. For my friends, family, gifts, safety, abilities, and life may I thank You without end.

Let my heart be tethered to Yours; Let my eyes seek Your beautiful face and no other; Let my feet walk only where You will lead; Let my tongue speak only what You would have me say.

In the Perfect Name of Christ, who is my Salvation, I pray these things.

Bless my friends and family, and especially those who I dislike.

Goodness, Gracious

Still happy.

Tonight has been an absolute blast! Live back at Belmont this fall has started wonderfully. I'm living in my first apartment, on campus in Hillside with some of my best friends. Read, Mike, and our new friend Brinley are holding down 2701 with me, and we've had so much fun together. Tonight was some good old fellowship and fun, with incredible hamburgers at Brown's diner, followed by fresh-baked Ghirardelli brownies at the apt, then a screening of my favorite movie of all time... Back to the Future! I was grinning and happily chuckling throughout the whole movie -- it's just so good, and the night's been so much fun. Not to mention that we're cooking our weekly Saturday Morning Super-breakfast in the AM, complete wiht Applewood smoked bacon. mmmm....

Now that I have that block of text out of the way and I've expressed just how happy I'm feeling right now, I'll catch up a bit. As I mentioned, the fall semester here at Belmont has been off to a good start. I'm really enjoying my classes, and it's been wonderful to reunite with my friends. I've been really busy with music, too -- The Nova Ray has been hard at work with new songs and shows, and I've kept up playing with Austin Manuel, too. I'm looking forward to playing some more of my solo songs as well. We'll see what this fall holds.

I've felt some good community with God as of late, too. I haven't always kept Him as my focus, but it's been easier than it was this time last year. Things are simpler and I'm finding that I have more of a desire to read, speak, and live acording to the Gospel.

I've gotta take a break now.. we're about to start BTTF II.
More to come later.

-Rob

Happiness.

I'm happy right now. Very much so.

I have to keep this short, because I've gotta get up at 7:30 for work, but I wanted to leave a little post.

Friends are returning to town, school is about to start, business is picking up, and I find myself in one of the best mindsets I've ever had. I'm experiencing joy, purpose, confidence, and excitement in a deeper way than I usually do, and it's a wonderful thing.

I've recently learned a lot about what it means to be open and honest with people. It's not quite as hard as it seems, and rewards one with deeper relationships and a comforting peace of mind. I love my friends so much, and I want to bless them with encouragement and authentic care.

I'll write more soon! For now, it's bedtime.

Restored

I'm crying. Relief, joy, stress, fear.. these and a lot more are trickling down. Thank you, God, for your gifts and guidance. You're all I need. I will trust in You for ever.

I think I've used this one before, but the Word is ever-true. My thoughts and heart have turned to Psalm 23...

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

June Bugs.

Late. Late, Late, Late.

My apologies for being so negligent. It's no good to go so long without writing here. Things have been busy, with summer classes, music, family, and friends. It's been a good summer, and I've seen a lot of personal growth, which is definitely a good thing.

I've been working hard in my classes, and making As again. I've rediscovered my scholastic prowess, so to speak,and it feels good to apply myself and succeed. It may not be the first thing on my mind, but it's good to have education and occupation on my side.

Songs, music, songwriting, performing, instrument proficiency... these things have been twirling in my brain constantly for the past few weeks. It can be tough to take a step back from myself and my creative output, but I think that with patience and practice I'll develop the skill. I love the whole process of writing and developing a song -- it really feels like my truest self shining through, and when everything's right where it belongs, I get a small taste of what God must feel at glimpsing his Creation in full Glory.

Pause. I'm not trying to compare myself to God. I am made in His image, though, and so it makes sense that I'd find meaning and joy in the same things that please Him.

Aside from music and school, I've loved getting to hang out with my friends lately. Colton got back in town a few weeks ago, and Ryan I. is in town for the whole summer now, so that's been great. Two of Coco's friends from Baylor, Michael and Ryan W, are here for the summer and I'm glad I've gotten to know them. Of course, I love being with GJ, JR, and Mary, though this past week I didn't get to hang out with them.

That being said, summer's kind of dead, because a lot of friends from Belmont and CPA are gone, and so I have a limited amount of people to hang out with. I love them a lot, but during the summer I miss my other friends and I wish it were easier to meet new people as well.

I'm gonna stop here for now. Time for a shower (bath, actually. Go ahead and laugh, but I enjoy pretending I get to use shampoo in a hot tub) and then I'm gonna do homework at The Good Cup. Haven't been there in a while, but I do love Grassland. After that, there's talks of "Cory's House," whic sounds pretty dnag awesome. I really want to see WALL-E, too. Finally, on Sunday, my ever-fave Bleu is playing at 12th & Porter. Score.

I'm out. I'll write more and carry out the original purpose of this blog (Scripture, Grace, and thoughts on Faith) soon. Please hold me to this.

Vacation Bible School

Here I sit on the couch of what I've dubbed "The Party" -- the house inhabited by my friends Kenley, Andrew, Dan, and Clark. I got up bright and early to take my first Rec Tech test of the summer and aced it, and then came here to catch 40 winks and hang out before my 11:45 Speech class.

Most of the other guys are asleep or out, so I'm in the living room typing this while Andrew Hill ("Where you at?") shares the den with me in thoughtful peace. It's still fairly early, and there's lots to do today: class, food, music, time with friends, maybe even some swimming or a workout at the Beaman. We'll see what I end up doing.

Anyway, most mornings I've been using the drive from ym house to campus as a time of meditation and prayer, almost always accompanied by the voice of Cash reading me the New Testament. I finished Matthew the other day, so I'm well into Mark, and it's incredible. Hearing the story of Christ's life told straight through in the poetic language of the New King James translation, read by one of my greatest heroes, has truly given me a deeper grasp of the Word of God.

It occurred to me that these days, it's easy to disregard the literary aspects of Scripture. If you're from a religious background, you may take offense at the Bible being perceived as "just some story," and may choose to view it as a personal rulebook of sorts. This is misled thinking. The books of the Old and New Testament are certainly not a man-made folklore or fable, but neither are they limited to being (as one cringe-worthy athletically-themed Bible was titled) "God's Gameplan".

I've begun to see the thematic, poetic, and literary beauty of the Gospel.

Lots + I'm tired!

I'll try to make this brief for now. I need to get sleep soon!

Summer school started this morning. Getting up at 6 isn't fun, and neither is taking classes during the summer, but it's what needs to be done.

Music is exciting, fun, and a great sustainer. I've been playing, writing, and performing a lot lately and I love it. I wrote a new song today called "A Reason to Remember". I like it, but it's not finished yet. Here's to proliferation.

It can be horribly frustrating sometimes to know what's right, especially when I want to do the opposite. "The good I would do," I often do not, but sometimes it's just as frustrating to do the right thing.

Sometimes I feel like a total idiot and the epitome of awkwardness. All those dumb feelings can really compound themselves into making me lose focus of what I need to do. Here's a tip -- even if you're a hopeless case, don't give in to thinking of yourself that way. It doesn't help at all.

I finally got that collection of Cash reading the New Testament. It's beautiful. I listened through James and it was really moving. I'm most of the way through Matthew now. I feel so connected to Scripture when it's read by Johnny. It shouldn't make a difference, but he's such a hero and that voice makes me feel so at home. I feel as though he were my long-lost third grandfather.

I'll try to write more tomorrow between classes. I need to do some more Word study here and in general.

I'll leave you with a one-page essay I'm turning in tomorrow for Rec Tech...

*****************************

What Am I Doing Here?
There is a question that rests in the back of my mind – a problem that demands an answer, and an uncertainty that calls to be resolved. It is the persistent voice that asks, “What are you doing here?”
It’s a question that I’m sure everyone has heard, but its universal nature fails to lessen the sting of the issue. Each of us must decide what it is that he or she is meant to do, and each of us must have a personal explanation as to why. Without a sense of direction, we are left feeling adrift in a sea of insignificance.
Purpose, it seems, is the great myth of our times. It is the legendary, mystical ideal that everyone seeks but few seem to find. For myself as a student, a musician, and a human being, I find my purpose in creative expression.
I feel that I have been gifted with an imaginative spirit, and that it is my calling in life to use this gift to the best of my ability. By using my creativity to encourage and inspire others, I believe that I am carrying out the purpose for which my God created me. A deep sense of satisfaction and value fills me when I engage in the creative arts – especially those of words and music.
I have found my purpose in service and stewardship by using my creativity to help and encourage those around me. If I can be mindful of these convictions and motivations, my actions will be blessed with order and with great productivity. Perhaps most importantly of all, I will have an answer when I hear that decisive question -- “What are you doing here?”

*****************

Lord, let me be a bold and honorable man in your sight. Let me use whatever gifts you have given me for Your glory and not my own. Let me have the confidence and assurance that comes from knowing you and following your plan for my life.

Bless my adoring family and my wonderful friends, and grant us all the fullest of your peace and fruits. Let us be wise and truthful, compassionate and full of faith. May You be honored in all things.

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I pray these things.

Amen.

Summer of Cash.

I feel like a broken record in more ways than one, but once again I have allowed myself to neglect this blog. It's far past time for an update.

In the famous words of Alice Cooper, "School's Out For Summer," and to say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. This semester was more difficult for me, but more on that later. That said, though, I do miss life at Belmont and being with everyone there.

It's only been about a week, so I haven't fully settled into the feel of summer, but it's been good so far. I've been blessed to have many friends staying in town this summer (thanks, apartments and houses!), and I'll certainly be interested to see how this break turns out.

Coming back to the aforementioned difficulties, I had a hard time with some things this past spring. School definitely suffered, as did some friendships. There are a lot of factors that contributed to a lot of problems, but I'll try to lay some of them out here.

First, I have the bad habit of periodically deciding that school isn't what I want to do and, in turn, neglecting it altogether. I start to take the approach of "if I can just mentally hibernate and get through this last hump, I'll be free!"
This is a horrible mindset to have, especially for me. Hiding from problems and sleeping them away is

1. A cop-out.
2. Merely the start of more problems.
3. A surefire way to make my life even more complicated and therefore less free.

Another difficulty I faced was in dealing with other people. I got so wrapped up in my own head -- my dreams, insecurities, expectations, and failures -- that I ended up becoming someone I don't really want to be. I was distant, awkward, selfish, and melancholy when I should have been encouraging, confident, helpful, and filled with hope.

I had some periods of extreme joy and excitement followed by crushing failure and (so it seemed to me) abandonment. This caused me to go into what was essentially an emotional and motivational tailspin. I suck to the bottom and felt I had no reason to fight or climb back up.

I now see that my perceived defeats and shortcomings were only compounded by my self-centered fears and motivations. I'm using the break offered by this summer to really learn more about who I am and where my worth is to be found. Here's what I've learned so far...

• I am not defined by my successes or failures.
• I am not made valuable though recognition or popularity.
• I am created by and in the image of a loving, surpassingly wise Creator.
• I am inherently worthy and beautiful, as are even my worst enemies.

*************************

I recently rediscovered my love for Johnny Cash. A few weeks ago, I was reading about his life's work and discovered that a recording existed in which he read aloud the entire New Testament. I went to Borders and found that it was out of print (though just recently I ordered it through Barnes & Noble!), but I was able to track down his reading of Matthew online. Hearing his powerful, rich voice tell the story of Jesus made me more able to connect with it than perhaps ever before. It's sad, in a sense, that I previously lacked the desire or gumption necessary to actively read the gospels straight though, but I am thankful for the seed of excitement that Cash has reawakened in me for the Bible.

Johnny Cash is truly one of my heroes. As a musician, songwriter, author, and man of faith, he stands as a monument to all that I hope to be. He was not without his shortcomings, however, and he readily admitted that the drug abuse and wanton living of his youth was a tragic choice that put him in a place of despair and isolation from his family, friends, loves, and Lord. Cash's ability to arise from such a low and beaten place is a source of inspiration for me. His faith and love would not have been more evident, especially in his later years, and I wish merely to have a fraction of the passion and wisdom that John gained during his lifetime.

Closure

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

-Ephesians 4:22-28

It's been a long week. I've done a lot of work and neglected even more. I've worried over plans and seen pieces fall in and out of place. I've had my head stuck in the past and future, but rarely the present.

I've come to realize that I can be horribly inconsiderate, selfish, and stubborn. I tend to fixate and obsess, letting everything else fall to the wayside while I pursue whatever's got my attention. It's time to take a step back and do what needs to be done. This week, I'm going to attempt to do things a little differently. I've had some tensions recently between myself and my friends, my band, and my spirit. Some things have been sorted out, but there are still some gaping holes that it's time to fill.

I haven't yet decided exactly what the wisest actions for me to take are, but I'm praying that God wold show me guidance on how to finish this semester the best I can. That means that in my work, my friendships, and my faith, I need to return to the honest and righteous path that was originally set before me.

It's time for closure. As I've written before, I feel that this will be a big summer for me -- a time of growth, change, and new beginnings. First, however, there is much that must still be done (especially in terms of schoolwork!).

I pray that I would be truthful and forgiving, with the attitude of a humble servant rather than a self-important commander. Where there is confusion or tension, I pray that I would be directed to dissolve these things in the best way possible. I need a changed heart, a whole heart.

I am. I AM.

I am

• tired
• busy
• avoiding my problems
• creating much bigger ones
• distracted
• creatively inspired
• a bit depressed
• overwhelmed
• far too hopeful
• relentlessly searching
• off-schedule
• stuck in the past and future
• writing a lot, but not on here
• going to fix that
• trying to improve myself
• trying to let go
• trying not to try so hard
• going to stop this list.

"I AM." - the Name that God called Himself when Moses asked "Who should I say sent me?" ( I would look up the phrasing, but I'm not doing it right now.) The Lord God, I AM, is all that was and all that is and all that will ever be. He is all things and knows all things. We can't even understand the words of His name, let alone comprehend all that He encompasses.

In light of all the things I am and am not, and in the greater light of all that my God IS, let me learn to discard my ways and pick up the mantle of the Holy and Perfect Father. My problems arise from my humanity and my sin -- my unfulfilled desires and my selfish ways of trying to satisfy myself. If I truly believed and had the assurance of I AM, I should need nothing more.

Here's something I wrote recently. I think this was the poem I wrote after a long and strange night I'll talk about later. I'd just seen Sleeping At Last play and I had met a homeless man named Michael. I was thinking about who I wanted to be and who I am.

Flourish, O my Faith, and grow
Into a mighty tree of oak.
Forget the pains and painted woes --
The doubts that sprouted forth in smoke.

That's all there is so far. I want to work more on this.

I'll go ahead and post some more lyrics/poems I've been working on.
I think this next one will be a song with a bit of a swing feel.

Pen to paper, lips to words
Each result is so absurd
Hand to forehead, eyes to floor
Fake a smile and find the door

And it's such a tragic ending
Yes, each act is the same
I'm the Fool who keeps pretending
That he'll Rob the royal name.

More to come on that one as well. I think i've got one or two more to share... but they're in antoher notebook. Oh well. this has gone on far too logn. I'm hot from having my laptop in my lap, and I have to get up at 8 AM for class. Plus i have a 9:30 test. Darn.

Lord, let me follow You and not myself. Give me strength and purpose, assurance and will. Let me be a light for Your sake and a beacon of truth.

Good night.

Time wears thin and slumber calls/
Therefore, I will outline points/
Bullet-notes to spark my mind/
Highlights of my recent days.

I'll flesh them out later.

• Michael, the homeless friend tonight outside Exit/In
• Sleeping At Last Show tonight
• Finishing "Searching For God Knows What"
• Oh how I need my Savior
• The Unexpected
• Shower thoughts on Sunday / Church
  
• What is Love? (Baby Don't Hurt Me)

I'll end with the beginning of a poem/song/prayer I wrote on the way back tonight. I have another few poems/songs in the works that wil make there way here soon. Note to self: don't drift from the scripture in this blog. It's your lifeglue.

Let me speak with Your tongue
Let me walk with Your feet
Let me act with Your hands
By Your heart may I beat.

Restless/ A God-Shaped Hole

Let me be satisfied. Let me be content and assured.

There is so much evidence that I am truly blessed and honored. Why should I need anything more? Why should I feel so restless and unfulfilled?

There was this old CCM song back when I was in middle school and still listened to WAY-FM. "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us," they sang, "and it's a hold that only he can fill." I remember reading something very similar in Mere Christianity in high school, but of course the melody and lyrics of the CCM song have stuck with me, instead of Lewis' brilliantly-written work of apologetics.

I feel this hole in my heart that longs to be filled with anything -- respect, success, fortune, fame, popularity, a relationship, possessions, and the like -- but is ultimately something that only the Love and Salvation of Christ can truly occupy. Before I can try to gain anything else in this world, I must first be confident in my faith, fully aware that my Lord is my All in All.

Tired.

I just don't know.

There's so much to do, so much I want, and so much to consider. I'm feeling overwhelmed and aimless, with no real plan of where I'm going. Truth be told, I'm terribly afraid of life right now.

The same old things are still weighing on me -- school, the band, commitments I'm afraid I can't live up to, friendships, and of course the ever-present search for that special connection. Wahoo.

It's easy to just give up. It's easy to try to forget about what's already happened and what needs to happen next. It's hard to persevere and to seek God at times like this, but I know that nothing else is going to give me the slightest bit of purpose or satisfaction.

I'm exhausted in every possible way, and I want nothing more than to sleep for days -- to awake and find that all my problems are solved or have simply dissolved into nothingness.

How about those Beatitudes?

I think I posted them in an earlier blog. I'm not checking right now.

³ "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

⁵ Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

All this brokenness and all this wandering, yet I am called blessed. It seems ridiculous and unfounded. I need the Kingdom, the comfort, the inheritance, the fulfillment,
the mercy, the vision, and the birthright of my God.

I'm like the Egyptians, lost in the desert. I trod in circles with a promise scarred on my heart and the hope of freedom keeping me alive.

Crossroads

The weather is beautiful - tomorrow (or rather today, seeing as it's 12:02 as I write this) has a predicted high of 75 degrees with lots of sunshine. It's weather for flip flops and popsicles, for sunglasses and naps in the grass. I love it.

As I revel in the gorgeous weather and feelings of summer, I start to feel a bit torn. One one hand, I can't wait for the freedom of summer. I have such great memories of summers with my friends - visits to the quarry, late-night sonic runs, big-wheel races to the swimming pool, shooting short films, making music whether or not it's recorded, and the simple peace of a walk on warm summer night.

On the other hand, I realize that I'm at a crossroads that is, in some ways, bigger than the transition from high school to college. I've grown and "grown up" a lot in the past year, and it seems that this summer will mark a new stage in my life. For the first time, some of my friends from high school will not be coming home this summer. Additionally, several of my friends from Belmont will live here in Nashville in their new apartments and houses. My worlds are colliding.

This morning, I went to Midtown for church. The past few weeks, I hadn't gone, due to silly excuses like being wrapped up in work with my band and sleeping in. I'm glad I finally returned today, though. I feel very much at home there, and I always leave sensing that I am more finely in tune with what God is trying to tell me. It's a good community and a good church for me.

At Midtown today, we took communion. I always try to get my head, heart, and spirit in the right place when I take communion. Writeing about this feels strange and more personal than anything else I've written so far, but I pray and pour myself out onto the ground before God. I try to contemplate just how much I am loved by my Savior and how great a sacrifice He made for me -- an unworthy sinner. Focusing my thoughts and prayers like this helps me to take part more fully in the acts of worship, blessing, and remembrance. It is perhaps my deepest aspiration to be in a more constant state of communion with the Holy Creator.

I knelt at the front and prayed again to be reminded of the Love that covers me, and soon I was given the bread and juice.
"This is Christ's Body, broken for you."
"This is Christ's Blood, shed for you."
Even typing these words I am deeply moved and I feel a tightness in my chest. What an overwhelmingly powerful and tangible reminder of the sacrificial life and death of my savior Jesus... all that he suffered. For me. For you.

As I took communion, I heard the woman who carried the juice and bread speak to another woman to my left, who had been crying.
"Don't hold back. Just let Christ love you for who you are."

I was floored. This was like the secret I'd been waiting to hear. Although I was in a place of submission and reverence when I took communion, I have lately been struggling with insecurity and anxiety. I've been holding myself back and living in fear and selfishness when I ought to be filled instead with the assurance that comes from being loved by Christ. This complete, unchanging, and all-surpassing adoration flows from the Anointed Son to my broken spirit like a river of gold.

I am His, and I am loved. What else can I say?

Bleagh.

In reference to my last post, I'm quite poor and needy. Sometimes I can be a real idiot.
At least it makes me realize how much more I need God.
This is a time for the beatitudes if ever there was one. I'll add them to this post later.

blessed are the poor in spirit

I'm probably just tired and cranky.

Back to School / Goals / "Come Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy"

The first day back at Belmont was a good one, albeit quite busy! Classes went well, with two even being canceled, and I really enjoyed seeing all my friends again. There's a lot of work to do to finish out this semester, but to my pleasant surprise, I find that I feel very driven to work hard and accomplish everything I'm striving to do.

Between reunions, classes, homework, errands, and even a vocal ensemble audition, I found time to do some reading. I'm nearing the end of Donald Miller's "Searching For God Knows What," and I have to say that this book is extremely helpful and applicable in my life. I'm very thankful that my recently increased searches into Scripture are pairing so well with the words of Miller, O'Connor, and my other favorite authors.

Lately I've had some realizations about myself, with the help of my friends and my reading. First off, I'm something of a dreamer -- I have a great imagination and the gift of creativity, but it's all too easy for me to get lost with my head in the clouds, daydreaming myself into unrealistic expectations and distracting me from what's really going on. Partially because of this over-thinking trait, I sometimes find myself either dreading the worst or building up too-high hopes when I ought to be living in the present and not being concerned with what might happen.

It can be hard to "take it easy" when I race ahead to conclusions and try to hasten my pace to keep up, but another thing I've started to learn is that fulfillment and satisfaction aren't the sort of things we can claim for ourselves out of effort. On the contrary, it seems that the harder we work to accomplish our self-minded goals and secure our value, the less fulfilled we feel. I know this is true in my life.

(For the record, there are good goals, and I absolutely believe that academic responsibility and success is something for which we ought to travail. Just making it clear that this isn't what I'm talking about when I speak of "self-minded goals".)

Our satisfaction should come from serving God and serving those around us, not by making ourselves feel more accomplished and worthy. I need a heart of Love and Compassion, not of selfish insecurity (because what could be more selfish than constantly worrying over yourself?) or boastful pride.

I pray that we would all feel the Love of Christ, which is all we need. I'm reminded of a hymn (again, one performed beautifully by the band Anathallo on their Hymns album) called "Come Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy". It seems fitting to end this entry with the lyrics to this beautiful song.

1. Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
   Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
   Jesus ready stands to save you,
   Full of pity, love and pow’r.
   • Refrain:
     I will arise and go to Jesus,
     He will embrace me in His arms;
     In the arms of my dear Savior,
     Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
2. Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
   God’s free bounty glorify;
   True belief and true repentance,
   Every grace that brings you nigh.
3. Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
   Lost and ruined by the fall;
   If you tarry till you’re better,
   You will never come at all.
4. View Him prostrate in the garden;
   On the ground your Maker lies;
   On the bloody tree behold Him;
   Sinner, will this not suffice?
5. Lo! th’ incarnate God ascended,
   Pleads the merit of His blood:
   Venture on Him, venture wholly,
   Let no other trust intrude.
6. Let not conscience make you linger,
   Not of fitness fondly dream;
   All the fitness He requireth
   Is to feel your need of Him.

Amen. All we need is Him.

The End of Spring Break / Jeremiah 29:11

Spring Break is coming to an end. After almost a week and a half of time off from school, tomorrow marks the day I'll move back into my dorm and rejoin life at Belmont. I greet the return to school life with a mix of joy and anxiety -- the former because I'm excited to see my friends and to live in the college environment again, and the latter because I know what's in store for me in this last month of school.

There's classes to attend; papers to write; speeches to draft; an EP to finish, print, and sell; shows to play; a GPA to keep up; friends to enjoy life with; and, of course, the ever-elusive sleep. How I'll manage to accomplish everything is beyond me, but maybe that's worth considering. On my own, I'll struggle to balance everything and end up blowing off one or more of my goals. However, if I stay focused with the help and guidance that comes from the reassuring hand of the Almighty, I just might be able to pull it all off.

Amidst the pre-return turmoil, I started to think about the well-known verse in Jeremiah that speaks of God's plans to prosper us. I could certainly use a plan myself! I looked up the verse and, in doing so, discovered some interesting things.

First, however, the verse in question:

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Found in Jeremiah 29, this message of the Father's plan for us comes along with a judgment of 70 years' exile and captivity for the people of Judah. It may seem ironic or short-sighted that the verse which adorns many inspirational posters would be found right next to a decree of a lifetime's enslavement, and it certainly is no basket of roses, but I think its placement brings a richer and ultimately more fulfilling message to the verse. Here it is again in fuller context:

Jer 29:10-14 (NIV) This is what the Lord says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Though we live in a world that is not our own, in which we live a kind of spiritual captivity, there is yet hope for us. The difficult times and seemingly endless trials of daily life are not without meaning or purpose -- God has ordered our steps, as long as we follow in His path.

In comparing my own stresses and worries with those of the people of Judah, who were forced to live in bondage for a full 70 years, things don't seem so overwhelming anymore. I can certainly handle what's to come, and I can embrace it with confidence and joy. I know that through the process I will be able to seek God more fully, and gain in return a more complete hope with the promise of a blessed future.

Spring Break / Psalm 115

I'm officially on Spring Break now, and it's been going well. I've been spending a lot of good time with my family, and I got to hang out with my high school friends a bit before they went back to their schools this weekend.

Yesterday was Easter -- the day on which we celebrate the resurrection of Christ Jesus, who was dead and buried for the sake of our sins. When I think about it, it's so unbelievable and exciting to realize the magnitude of this miracle. It's easy to live as if the world were a boring, insignificant, and uninteresting place, but if you really take a look at the wonders of Creation, life, and the incredible things that happen in every day life (let alone the big miracles), there is an overwhelming beauty here.

I'll come right out and say it -- I'm in love with the Psalms. This blog is quickly becoming overtaken with them, and that's fine by me. Today I want to read and study Psalm 115. It's a song of praise to the living God. I think it's fitting for the day after Easter, having just celebrated the Christ who defeated Death.

Psalm 115

1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

2 Why do the nations say,
"Where is their God?"

3 Our God is in heaven;
he does whatever pleases him.

4 But their idols are silver and gold,
made by the hands of men.

5 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but they cannot see;

6 they have ears, but cannot hear,
noses, but they cannot smell;

7 they have hands, but cannot feel,
feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

8 Those who make them will be like them,
and so will all who trust in them.

9 O house of Israel, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

10 O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

11 You who fear him, trust in the LORD—
he is their help and shield.

12 The LORD remembers us and will bless us:
He will bless the house of Israel,
he will bless the house of Aaron,

13 he will bless those who fear the LORD—
small and great alike.

14 May the LORD make you increase,
both you and your children.

15 May you be blessed by the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

16 The highest heavens belong to the LORD,
but the earth he has given to man.

17 It is not the dead who praise the LORD,
those who go down to silence;

18 it is we who extol the LORD,
both now and forevermore.
Praise the LORD.

I love the poetry in this psalm- the rhythm and repetition are strong, and carry an urgency to the message of praise. We must realize the Greatness of our God! He is not made in our image -- we are made in His. He is not bound by the limitations of physicality or time. He is limitless and powerful beyond compare.

It's silly to think that we should deserve any sort of glory or honor. All that is good is His, not ours! Let us thank our Mighty Lord each day for the blessings and gifts he so freely bestows to us. Had he given us life and nothing more, it would have been enough, yet he gives so much more!

Praise the Lord on High, that he may use you for His purposes and grant you His greatest fruits of Love! "May you be blessed by the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Psalm 50:1-6 / "The Church Without Christ"

It seems that, once again, I've let myself go too long without posting a blog. It's almost spring break, and I got caught up in classes, work, and the final production stages of my band's EP. I really have no excuse, but at least I'm writing now! The break should provide some good down-time to relax, read, and meditate on the Word (as well as giving me a great opportunity to have fun with friends and take on some more creative projects!).

This morning, as I got up for my 8 AM Ear Training class, I was thinking about how I wanted to start my day right and let it be centered on God. As I considered what it meant to worship a Creator who is outside of time and always with me, I thought of a passage from Psalm 50. This excerpt from a "Psalm of Asaph" is an awe-riddled song of praise to the Masterful One who spoke our world into being. It urges us to realize what a Mighty God we serve,a nd to respect and honor Him. It's a truly great and inspiring piece of poetry -- I've been turning to the Psalms more and more lately, and I always find incredible truths and brilliant, beautiful words within their text.

Psalm 50

A psalm of Asaph.

1 The Mighty One, God, the LORD,
speaks and summons the earth
from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets.

2 From Zion, perfect in beauty,
God shines forth.

3 Our God comes and will not be silent;
a fire devours before him,
and around him a tempest rages.

4 He summons the heavens above,
and the earth, that he may judge his people:

5 "Gather to me my consecrated ones,
who made a covenant with me by sacrifice."

6 And the heavens proclaim his righteousness,
for God himself is judge.
Selah

Before ending this blog, I wanted to say a few more things. As I've said before, I'm in the midst of reading "Searching For God Knows What" by Donald Miller. Last night, I read about the need for Christ as a constant part of our lives, not as a figurehead for our own agendas or politics, but as the Perfect, Compassionate Savior who lived and died in order to bring salvation to mankind.

Flannery O'Connor, who may very well be my all-time favorite author, wrote a novel called Wise Blood in which a young man named Hazel Motes decides to start "The Church Without Christ," an organization in which the individual selects his own personal interpretation of the Bible as Gospel Truth. Guilt and sinfulness need not exist, and Jesus can be whatever you'd like him to be -- especially if you'd rather he didn't exist.

The book shows this "Church Without Christ" to be not only a ridiculous sham, but a frighteningly realistic picture of how we often attempt to conform the Word and Being of God to our own desires. I don't won't to live as if I'm in such a Church. I need to be constantly confronted with my own fallenness, my desperate need for my precious Savior.

The God who exists beyond our time and space, who summoned the earth into being with the word of creation, is very much alive. His Son, who interacts with us through the Living and Holy Spirit, is the one hope for our sinful and selfish souls. It is only through the death of our old selves that we can be restored. It is only through Christ's resurrection that we may learn to truly Live.

"Our God comes and will not be silent."

James 3:13-18 - the Lifeboat

I wanted to have a brief study today before heading out to meet some friends at a show. As you may know, James is one of my favorite books in the Bible. I was reading through it and a passage stuck out to me today.

In what we refer to as Chapter 3, Verses 13-18 of James' letter to the church, James speaks of the Wisdom of Heaven as it compares to earthly "wisdom"...


James 3: 13-18

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

All too often, we rive to impress others and appear professional, important, cool, or powerful. I've been reading Donald Miller's "Searching for God Knows What" lately, and he refers to this as the "lifeboat" mindset. We act as though we are passengers in a too-full lifeboat -- as if we must prove our worth so as not to be thrown overboard. Jesus, Miller insists, throws this ideal off balance, and tells us to humble ourselves and treat others with the utmost respect. I have a sneaking suspicion that James would agree with this wholeheartedly.

In this part of his letter, James cautions us not to let seeds of envy or selfish ambition grow within our hearts. We were not made to compete or hate. Rather, we were created to be beings of love and peace, worshiping in unity the Magnificent One who created us.

This is something to drill into our heads, to come back to time and time again. As long as we forget who we are and what we're really made for, we need to be continually reminded of how we ought to live. May we turn over the lifeboat and seek true Wisdom! We are not saved by our own righteousness, but by the Life Himself.

A Beautiful Snowy Day: Psalm 92

There's about 5 inches of snow on there ground. I'm at my house in Brentwood, here to work in the studio and be with my family. My brother and many of his friends are having a great time right now sledding down our big hill -- I'm definitely joining them soon.

It looks beautiful outside, as if the entire world were covered with giant white pillows. I have a strong fondness for snow, especially since we rarely see it here. It makes me feel comforted, happy, and filled with a childlike excitement. I remember drinking hot cocoa and celebrating school cancellations (too bad this snow didn't come a few days earlier to cancel a class or two at Belmont!), and going sledding all day.

In thinking about the beauty of the snow, I wanted to find something from scripture that matched how I felt. I've felt very inspired by the Psalms lately, and their poetic style seemed to fit, so I looked through them until I found one that said a lot of what I'm feeling today. It's also quite fitting for today, because it is indeed the original Sabbath day, and the recurring theme of music coincides with my work here in the studio.

Psalm 92

A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day.

1 It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,

2 to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,

3 to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.

4 For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands.

5 How great are your works, O LORD,
how profound your thoughts!

6 The senseless man does not know,
fools do not understand,

7 that though the wicked spring up like grass
and all evildoers flourish,
they will be forever destroyed.

8 But you, O LORD, are exalted forever.

9 For surely your enemies, O LORD,
surely your enemies will perish;
all evildoers will be scattered.

10 You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox;
fine oils have been poured upon me.

11 My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries;
my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes.

12 The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;

13 planted in the house of the LORD,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.

14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,

15 proclaiming, "The LORD is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."

Truly, our Lord is worthy of the highest praise we can give. His power, beauty, and wisdom are beyond compare or comprehension. I will sing for joy at the wonderful things he has done for me, and in admiration at the works of His hands.

I Need Thee Every Hour

It's late, I'm tired, and things have been pretty crazy. Good, bad, absurd, and confusing events are going on all around me, and while I finish my take-home test I started singing this hymn (the band Anathallo does a fantastic performance of it)

I Need Thee Every Hour
by Annie Hawks

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Face to Face -1 Corinthians 13

Life is good. Driving back from seeing a great movie tonight (Be Kind Rewind) with my good friend Ryan, I felt a strong sense of happiness and peace. The feelings of tension and doubt that had plagued me earlier this week are gone, as are the stresses of midterms and the unrelenting pace of weekday life. It seems silly that I'd just now let this sink in, but maybe I was too caught up in my own affairs and pressures to realize it.

I am truly thankful for all that I am blessed with. My wonderful and loving Grandmother (who, along with my Granddaddy, lives in my family's home in Brentwood), often asks me if I take the time to truly count my blessings and thank God for all that I've been given. I tried to count them tonight, and felt awed at how much I've been given. I realized that even if I was naked, hungry, and isolated in a barren land, there would still be an infinite amount of thanks to be offered to the Father who Loves me, because of how deep and powerful that Love is.

As a creative person, I understand the joy and pride that comes from seeing something good come from one's own work. In that sense, I have the smallest taste of the love of my Creator, which beams down upon each one of us -- his beautiful and beloved ones.

With the sacrificial death of His only Son, our broken images became a true and perfect reflection of their creator, and though at this moment we can only see "as through a mirror dimly," we shall soon see our completed selves face to face with God.

I feel this great hope and promise that rises within me, calling me to worship and praise the Mighty One who ordained me for his Purpose. There is nothing more exciting to me than this thought -- that I am special, adored, and made to accomplish something truly important for the sake of the Lord I long to serve! The family, friends, talents, and even the material gifts I've been undeservingly blessed with should not be taken for granted, but should be cause for praise every second.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

May I live in a continual state of thankfulness, overflowing with Love as a more perfect embodiment of these verses. Let me count my blessings until I can count no more, and celebrate the Father who has gifted me with so much. Hallelujah to our Lord!

Patience & Psalm 130

I was just thinking about how silly I am when it comes to patience. I want so many things without having to wait. I selfishly consider what I do not have instead of what I've got. I dwell on the work I don't want to do instead of actually doing it. It's ridiculous how self-seeking and impatient I can be.

I thought of a verse from Psalm 130 in the midst of all this -- "My soul waits for the lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning". Of all the things I should wait upon, surely my Savior should be first. Then, of course, all other things will fall into their proper place. I can learn to trust God and wait upon His timing and His gifts. In the meantime, it's my duty to do the work I'm given and be a good steward of my gifts and time.

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;

² Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Jesus Christ our Savior is worth waiting for. He is our hope and our greatest reward. The blessing of God is with us. No more shall we wait on the world.

Peace, Be Still

“And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And He was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake Him, and say unto Him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. “And He said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?”--Mark 4:37-40

In keeping with my recent themes of anxiety, comfort, and raging storms (amidst a rather beautiful snow shower tonight), I write tonight about Jesus's command to the violent winds -- "Peace, be still."

I think we are often like these storms, letting anger or fear stir us up into a self-absorbed whirlwind that only makes our situations worse. The answer is not found in indulging this torment or tension, but rather letting it go.

Be still. Listen. Accept the Peace that passes all understanding.

This is the kind of faith I need. This is how we ought to live - with complete trust in our Mighty Savior and God, who rules all we know with a wise and mighty hand. He is the One to whom the rocks shall cry out; He is the one by whom all stains are made the purest white; He is the one to whom the stormy seas surrender.

As the Deer, Psalm 42

As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee.
You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship Thee.

You alone are my soul, my shield.
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship Thee.

You're my friend and You are my brother, even though You are my King.
I love You more thank any other -- so much more than anything.

You alone are my soul, my shield.
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship Thee.

I want You more than gold or silver; Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real Joy-Giver and the Apple of my eye.

You alone are my soul, my shield.
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart's desire, and I long to worship Thee.

-"As the Deer" by Martin Nystrom

Taken from Psalm 42, the lyrics to this familiar old hymn are a comfort and reminder for me. They spark my heart to place its burdens and cares upon the One who set it beating, and allow me to participate in the blessed act of worship. There is nothing more beautiful than this.

In reading Psalm 41 today, I feel moved and inspired. I've felt such a strong connection to David - I think we share much in common, and it inspires and excited me to know that this great king after God's own heart is not so different from myself.

Psalm 42:

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Though I've felt tired, I know that my spirit and strength, my very life comes from the Lord. What I thirst for is His presence. Feelings of loneliness or mockery are common to man, but we need not feel them any longer. Yes, it is difficult when things go badly and the desire to praise is lost for a time. However, there is such great hope to be found in our Savior!

I love the poetry of verse 7: I've been overswept by the currents of change and expectation more times than I can count, but the roaring voice of my Father calls me back to His shore. He directs my every move, if only I will let Him. I will be downcast no more. I will praise Him all of my days, with each breath I take.

Thank you for knowing me me, Mighty and Intimate Jehovah. Thank you for your Son of Love and your Spirit of Hope. I thirst for You.

Isaiah 41:10-11

9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Chicken Soup for the anxious soul.

God has created each of us according to his purpose, called us from all over the world, and designated our hands to serve Him in a unique and perfect way. He will always be with us - how could he not be, since we are held within the palm of His mighty hand? There is nowhere we can go that He is not.

To think that we can exist apart from God is absurd; It is as senseless as a captain who insists that his ship does not sail on the water. Our Creator is always here with us, always watching us, and always loving us.
Don't be afraid. You're in the palm of His hand.

Matthew 5:3-12 (The Beatitudes)

The Beatitudes came to mind today.

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Between business, school stress, a bad cold, and personal confusions, I've felt more than a bit downtrodden.
My spirit is heavy -- God grants me hope of a greater gift. When I despair and cry out, He is there to listen and to comfort me. At times I feel worthless and unimportant; Christ offers me a prized position and His full inheritance.
I long for wisdom and holiness to fill my empty heart. I'm completed and satisfied through faith in my Savior. I can't say I've had much opportunity to be merciful lately, but I pray that my heart will not view others with a judgmental or hateful eye, so that mercy may be taken on me.
Let my heart be pure, seeking to know and trust the Creator who fashioned me, and let me see Him for myself more and more clearly.
May I be a reconciler, a unifier instead of a disrupter or a force of separation.
I want to be righteous. This is not my home.

(I feel a little disconnected today. This isn't my best entry. Maybe I'll do another one later. Let's pray for each other, friends.)

Psalm 138

I'll give a bit of preface to this entry. During the day and especially tonight, I began to worry. The good things in my life are certainly good and wonderful gifts from God, but tonight I began to question whether I was deserving of such Grace, and I convinced myself that the things I hoped for were too good to be true.

I let myself fall into a lion's den of despair and second-guessing, calling myself an idiot and believing that I'd end up with the same lonely failures I so feared to repeat. Finally, I decided enough was enough - I'd clear my head and go for a run around campus at 11 at night.

The run was good, although rather short. It helped to clear my thoughts, but not enough to dissolve the pit of anxiety in my stomach. I knew that it was time to speak directly to my God.

Starting outside, sitting against a wall of the Beaman, I worshiped the One who created the beautiful stars and trees before me, and who gave me such a sense of wonder, and such blessed gifts. I lifted up my concerns and hopes, but still felt like I was still holding myself back somewhat. I decided to run to the Bell Tower, which is used as a prayer chapel. It felt like where I ought to be.

I entered the silent, peaceful room and shut the wooden door behind me, then walked through the rows of pews to the altar in front of the large wooden cross. I started by kneeling but I felt that I ought to humble myself further, and so I laid down on the ground and began to pray to my Savior.

Again, I praised the good things He has done, and wondered at the marvelous love Christ holds for me, that drove him to die upon that infamous cross -- all for my sins. I prayed desperately, unloading and releasing all my worries of what could be and what I wanted. "Lord, take this from me if I will not give it up. Take all my worries into your hands and let them fade. Do as you will, not as I desire."

With a heart still burdened, yet deepened by awe, I opened my eyes and saw the Bibles resing ont he mantle. I picked one up and opened it to where the ribbon had bookmarked a spot. It was Psalm 138, a Psalm of praise and thanksgiving which helped me immensely.

I was amazed at how much my night was mirrored in the Psalm. It truly felt written for me

Here's today's study. 

Note: I'm having copy-paste difficulties and I need to go to bed, so I'll finish this tomorrow.

Suffice it to say that even through my doubts, God is constant. Whether or not what I want is accomplished, He is steadfast. I pray that my will would be His, that my joy would come from serving the Perfect will of my Lord, who is the Anointed One. Use me as you will, Father. Fill me with your love!

Thank You

Life has been busy but very blessed the past few days. I regret not posting here, but I want to make an entry today. A prayer.

Psalm 31:19
"How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you."

Psalm 107:1
"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Lord, I thank you for the many blessings you have poured out upon me. I deserve none of these riches you give so freely, yet you continue to gift me with so much! How can I not love your Love? How can I not share it?

Let me truly fear and honor you in my heart and actions -- you are Good, absolutely and perfectly. I am in awe of your Majesty that surrounds and comforts me. Lord, how could you love me so much? You love me forever - I cannot begin to understand this.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, my precious Lord Jesus! I will praise your name forever. I will love you all of my days. Let my heart take refuge in yours. Let me be forever blessed by your Name.

Praise be to God, who loves his children without limit! He loves me -- He loves you. I am in awe.

James 1-2

The following post is an old one that I'm reposting and re-studying today.
It's a big day for me and I wanted to read something from my favorite book, James. May my head and heart be in the right place. Oh, and I'm making a few edits and notes as I go along...
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September 1, 2006

I just finished reading James 1-2. There's so much in there to take in and discuss -- it's difficult to know where to start. I suppose I'll just work my way through the chapters and point out some ideas or statements that really grabbed me or made me think. Today I read from the Message translation, so thats what I'll quote from.

1:2-4's statement that your faith-life is forced into the open when under pressure really struck me. As a new Freshman in college (NOTE: And still today as a sophomore!), I'm in a period of drastic change and pressure. I am seeing in myself that my faith and sense of self are really being tested in this environment. It gets tough being in this new world with so many different people who believe all sorts of things. But I do know that this struggle will only make me stronger, because it helps me to realize my need to depend upon God. Like 1:5-8 says, I should "pray to the Father" when I need help, and I should do so boldly, "without a second thought"! It's so encouraging to know that He loves to help me.

The verses from 1:13-18 are an interesting dichotomy of perspectives concerning good and evil. Even though we sometimes find ourselves or our friends blaming God for the difficulties or evils in our lives, those evils come only from our own hearts. Our wrong desires build up, and "Lust gets pregnant and has a baby: sin!" But all that is good comes from God, "cascading down from the Father of Light." We have evil living within our hearts; God, however is nothing but Goodness and Truth. (May He reshape our hearts and change our ways to His own!)

1:22-25 held some personally challenging things to say. I am all too often guilty of "letting the Word go in one ear and out the other." Whether I am reading a passage for the sake of getting through it and not thinking more deeply about how it applies to my own life, or letting my attention slide when a prayer or discussion of faith is taking place, I need some help and strength and in this area. (This is always a struggle, but I think it's important to realize this fact and be vigilant about actively pursuing God and staying connected to the Word and Spirit.)

Action is the key to solving my failures, however.. By acting upon God's word (in whatever manner it is delivered) and taking a moment to sit back and think deeply about how it affects me, I am blessed with "delight and affirmation"!

In 1:26-27 I found another message that truly gripped me and held my ear: "Real religion [...] is (to) reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world." (This creed, in various translations, is a passage that has moved me and haunted me for some time now. I am trying to live it out as my mission statement.) His mission is twofold -- I must take care of those who are unable to take care of themselves, and I must watch my own heart to keep a vigilant stand against corruption. This is a little bit hard to understand and I'm still working it out, but I think that it means that service and a sense of unassailable holiness are two things that I ought to strive for.

Chapter 2 opens with a convicting hypothetical situation that is all too often played out, especially in my own heart and mind. Verses 1-13 describe a rich man and a poor beggar entering a church. If I deem the rich man to be worthy of the finest seat but offer the lowly street person either a seat in the back or nothing, I have no concept of the Kingdom of God. I am not a judge. It is not my place to say who is more deserving of honor or salvation.

We have heard that the last shall be first and the first shall be last, and this passage makes it very clear that God is serious about that statement. "He chose the world's down-and-out as the kingdom's first citizens," and those who make themselves out to be important people place their own vanity above God. Of course, such pride makes it nearly impossible for God to work in the life of such a person. I must not let myself become vain, nor must I think that a person in good standing with the world is in good standing with God.

2:14-26 closes the chapter by recalling the message of works that was hinted at in chapter 1. Repeatedly stating that the separation of faith and works yields a corpse, these verses urge us as Believers to match what we say with what we do. We must each take it upon ourselves to make our actions (as well as our words ) testaments to the Goodness and Truth of our Lord God. After all, a man who claims to be a humanitarian but does not give the beggar on the street a piece of bread is terribly hypocritical. (This really gets me right now. Lately I've struggled with a conflict between the desire to help the homeless people who come up to me here in Nashville, and my own distrust of them. I always assume they're either fakers or booze addicts who don't deserve my money. Even if I can't give them my change, I can always offer them some food and talk to them, treating each person with respect and love.) This hypocrisy is one of the greatest turn-offs to faith in the modern world. If we are to show others the Love of Christ, we must live that love outwardly.

That's all I have for now, having worked my way through chapters 1 and 2. I didn't touch on everything and I am quite sure that i missed some important points and got a few things wrong, but as a personal study of the word I really felt a blessing from taking this active and purposeful approach to Bible study.

-Robert.

Ephesians 3

Today I read Ephesians 3. In this chapter, Paul speaks to the Church in Ephesus, reminding them that "through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise of Christ Jesus" (Eph 3:6). He stresses that the wisdom and blessings of God should be made plain to everyone, and that all may approach the throne of Salvation with freedom and confidence. He follows this urgent insight with a prayer on behalf of the Ephesians, for whom he has gladly suffered and persevered.

¹⁴For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Paul fervently prays that his brothers and sisters would be strengthened by the richness of the Holy Spirit, dwelling as Christ within their hearts. With this compassion fixed upon them, Paul prays that a greater understanding of the Savior's love would arise -- that they might begin "to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ," which knows no boundaries and surpasses all knowledge. How incredible it is to think and wonder at this Love!

Since we are all heirs together, with such glory and mystery revealed before us, we are united by Christ's mercy and redemption. We must support one another and continue to serve this Gospel -- there is no other choice but to make this Freedom and Love known.

I pray that you would allow Christ to dwell deeply in your heart, whether or not you have already made Him a place there. May He search your inner being and intimately know you, and make known his absolute Love for you. May you have the blessings and peace that come with this fullness of being -- may you experience the complete fullness of God, overflowing with the fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

Lift your problems, worries, and insecurities to Christ -- he will not judge you for them or scoff at your weakness. Paul knew himself to be "less than the least of all God's people," but he was made righteous through faith.

Praise God, who Loves us without limits! May the Spirit fill your soul with Love.

Psalm 139:23-34

I read through Psalm 139 several times, and picked up some really interesting things I'd missed before. I thought about how this was a psalm of David and how it represented his life - the good and bad choices/desires as well as his passionate heart for God. i thought it was especially interesting that it was "for the director of music" - I felt like it was written especially for me, which in a sense it absolutely was.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Verses 23-24 are definitely the most personally important verses of this psalm - they sum up its entire message. Here, David has counted the myriad ways in which God intimately knows him, and asks that He would calm his fears and fix his offenses. It can seem frightening to realize that every wrongful thought and feeling is laid like an open book before God, but David understood that it was this complete transparency that allowed him to have such communion with the Creator. David realizes his follies and worries, and reminds himself that even though God knows every detail of his life (both good and bad included!), He regards David with nothing but perfect Love!

This is true for all of us. There is no escaping God -- he invades our lives, intruding when we would prefer to attend to our own affairs and constantly offering us reminders that this world and this life are not ours, but His. We must submit and draw close, we must let Him search and test us. We must follow His path set before us and rejoice in the limitless beauty of His creation and love.

James 4:7-8

I've been reading James a lot recently, and for the last few years it's been one of my favorite books. I had picked out verse 4:7 as the most inspiring and important verses in the Bible for me.

7 Submit yourselves, therefore, to God.
Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.

There are many other verses that mean a lot to me, and of course this only shows one aspect of how our walk should be, but it continually comes back to me. Whenever I feel overtaken, defeated, or tempted to ignore God, this verse comes to mind and haunts me to remember what I must do. At the same time, it's incredibly encouraging - If I resist the guiles and enticement of this world, they will pass and be defeated!

Nothing is too strong for me when I stand in the name of Christ. In that sense, the verse to follow fits perfectly:

8 Draw near to God,
and He will draw near to you.

By submitting to God and his will and resisting our sinful desires, we can draw near to Him, and be more completely filled with the love of Christ. This is something I deeply long for, and it helps so much to have these verses as a reminder of what's been promised to us if we will only be silent and submissive to this Great Love.