About the Blog.

Submit to the Voice of Truth that rings loudly in your ears.

Resist the deceptive call of this world -- it brings sorrow alone.

Named after James 4:7, this blog is a small catalogue of my interactions with scripture and spirit - the verses written long ago which hold unending revelations and the greatest honesty I've ever known. These histories, songs, and gospels speak of love, doubt, hope, fear, faith, despair, and salvation. This ever-present Living Word is my heartbeat.

I'm slowly learning to listen -- to submit and resist.


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Tired.

I just don't know.

There's so much to do, so much I want, and so much to consider. I'm feeling overwhelmed and aimless, with no real plan of where I'm going. Truth be told, I'm terribly afraid of life right now.

The same old things are still weighing on me -- school, the band, commitments I'm afraid I can't live up to, friendships, and of course the ever-present search for that special connection. Wahoo.

It's easy to just give up. It's easy to try to forget about what's already happened and what needs to happen next. It's hard to persevere and to seek God at times like this, but I know that nothing else is going to give me the slightest bit of purpose or satisfaction.

I'm exhausted in every possible way, and I want nothing more than to sleep for days -- to awake and find that all my problems are solved or have simply dissolved into nothingness.

How about those Beatitudes?

I think I posted them in an earlier blog. I'm not checking right now.

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


All this brokenness and all this wandering, yet I am called blessed. It seems ridiculous and unfounded. I need the Kingdom, the comfort, the inheritance, the fulfillment,
the mercy, the vision, and the birthright of my God.

I'm like the Egyptians, lost in the desert. I trod in circles with a promise scarred on my heart and the hope of freedom keeping me alive.
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