Crossroads

The weather is beautiful - tomorrow (or rather today, seeing as it's 12:02 as I write this) has a predicted high of 75 degrees with lots of sunshine. It's weather for flip flops and popsicles, for sunglasses and naps in the grass. I love it.

As I revel in the gorgeous weather and feelings of summer, I start to feel a bit torn. One one hand, I can't wait for the freedom of summer. I have such great memories of summers with my friends - visits to the quarry, late-night sonic runs, big-wheel races to the swimming pool, shooting short films, making music whether or not it's recorded, and the simple peace of a walk on warm summer night.

On the other hand, I realize that I'm at a crossroads that is, in some ways, bigger than the transition from high school to college. I've grown and "grown up" a lot in the past year, and it seems that this summer will mark a new stage in my life. For the first time, some of my friends from high school will not be coming home this summer. Additionally, several of my friends from Belmont will live here in Nashville in their new apartments and houses. My worlds are colliding.

This morning, I went to Midtown for church. The past few weeks, I hadn't gone, due to silly excuses like being wrapped up in work with my band and sleeping in. I'm glad I finally returned today, though. I feel very much at home there, and I always leave sensing that I am more finely in tune with what God is trying to tell me. It's a good community and a good church for me.

At Midtown today, we took communion. I always try to get my head, heart, and spirit in the right place when I take communion. Writeing about this feels strange and more personal than anything else I've written so far, but I pray and pour myself out onto the ground before God. I try to contemplate just how much I am loved by my Savior and how great a sacrifice He made for me -- an unworthy sinner. Focusing my thoughts and prayers like this helps me to take part more fully in the acts of worship, blessing, and remembrance. It is perhaps my deepest aspiration to be in a more constant state of communion with the Holy Creator.

I knelt at the front and prayed again to be reminded of the Love that covers me, and soon I was given the bread and juice.
"This is Christ's Body, broken for you."
"This is Christ's Blood, shed for you."
Even typing these words I am deeply moved and I feel a tightness in my chest. What an overwhelmingly powerful and tangible reminder of the sacrificial life and death of my savior Jesus... all that he suffered. For me. For you.

As I took communion, I heard the woman who carried the juice and bread speak to another woman to my left, who had been crying.
"Don't hold back. Just let Christ love you for who you are."

I was floored. This was like the secret I'd been waiting to hear. Although I was in a place of submission and reverence when I took communion, I have lately been struggling with insecurity and anxiety. I've been holding myself back and living in fear and selfishness when I ought to be filled instead with the assurance that comes from being loved by Christ. This complete, unchanging, and all-surpassing adoration flows from the Anointed Son to my broken spirit like a river of gold.

I am His, and I am loved. What else can I say?