Summer of Cash.

I feel like a broken record in more ways than one, but once again I have allowed myself to neglect this blog. It's far past time for an update.

In the famous words of Alice Cooper, "School's Out For Summer," and to say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. This semester was more difficult for me, but more on that later. That said, though, I do miss life at Belmont and being with everyone there.

It's only been about a week, so I haven't fully settled into the feel of summer, but it's been good so far. I've been blessed to have many friends staying in town this summer (thanks, apartments and houses!), and I'll certainly be interested to see how this break turns out.

Coming back to the aforementioned difficulties, I had a hard time with some things this past spring. School definitely suffered, as did some friendships. There are a lot of factors that contributed to a lot of problems, but I'll try to lay some of them out here.

First, I have the bad habit of periodically deciding that school isn't what I want to do and, in turn, neglecting it altogether. I start to take the approach of "if I can just mentally hibernate and get through this last hump, I'll be free!"
This is a horrible mindset to have, especially for me. Hiding from problems and sleeping them away is

1. A cop-out.
2. Merely the start of more problems.
3. A surefire way to make my life even more complicated and therefore less free.

Another difficulty I faced was in dealing with other people. I got so wrapped up in my own head -- my dreams, insecurities, expectations, and failures -- that I ended up becoming someone I don't really want to be. I was distant, awkward, selfish, and melancholy when I should have been encouraging, confident, helpful, and filled with hope.

I had some periods of extreme joy and excitement followed by crushing failure and (so it seemed to me) abandonment. This caused me to go into what was essentially an emotional and motivational tailspin. I suck to the bottom and felt I had no reason to fight or climb back up.

I now see that my perceived defeats and shortcomings were only compounded by my self-centered fears and motivations. I'm using the break offered by this summer to really learn more about who I am and where my worth is to be found. Here's what I've learned so far...

• I am not defined by my successes or failures.
• I am not made valuable though recognition or popularity.
• I am created by and in the image of a loving, surpassingly wise Creator.
• I am inherently worthy and beautiful, as are even my worst enemies.

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I recently rediscovered my love for Johnny Cash. A few weeks ago, I was reading about his life's work and discovered that a recording existed in which he read aloud the entire New Testament. I went to Borders and found that it was out of print (though just recently I ordered it through Barnes & Noble!), but I was able to track down his reading of Matthew online. Hearing his powerful, rich voice tell the story of Jesus made me more able to connect with it than perhaps ever before. It's sad, in a sense, that I previously lacked the desire or gumption necessary to actively read the gospels straight though, but I am thankful for the seed of excitement that Cash has reawakened in me for the Bible.

Johnny Cash is truly one of my heroes. As a musician, songwriter, author, and man of faith, he stands as a monument to all that I hope to be. He was not without his shortcomings, however, and he readily admitted that the drug abuse and wanton living of his youth was a tragic choice that put him in a place of despair and isolation from his family, friends, loves, and Lord. Cash's ability to arise from such a low and beaten place is a source of inspiration for me. His faith and love would not have been more evident, especially in his later years, and I wish merely to have a fraction of the passion and wisdom that John gained during his lifetime.