Late. Late, Late, Late.
My apologies for being so negligent. It's no good to go so long without writing here. Things have been busy, with summer classes, music, family, and friends. It's been a good summer, and I've seen a lot of personal growth, which is definitely a good thing.
I've been working hard in my classes, and making As again. I've rediscovered my scholastic prowess, so to speak,and it feels good to apply myself and succeed. It may not be the first thing on my mind, but it's good to have education and occupation on my side.
Songs, music, songwriting, performing, instrument proficiency... these things have been twirling in my brain constantly for the past few weeks. It can be tough to take a step back from myself and my creative output, but I think that with patience and practice I'll develop the skill. I love the whole process of writing and developing a song -- it really feels like my truest self shining through, and when everything's right where it belongs, I get a small taste of what God must feel at glimpsing his Creation in full Glory.
Pause. I'm not trying to compare myself to God. I am made in His image, though, and so it makes sense that I'd find meaning and joy in the same things that please Him.
Aside from music and school, I've loved getting to hang out with my friends lately. Colton got back in town a few weeks ago, and Ryan I. is in town for the whole summer now, so that's been great. Two of Coco's friends from Baylor, Michael and Ryan W, are here for the summer and I'm glad I've gotten to know them. Of course, I love being with GJ, JR, and Mary, though this past week I didn't get to hang out with them.
That being said, summer's kind of dead, because a lot of friends from Belmont and CPA are gone, and so I have a limited amount of people to hang out with. I love them a lot, but during the summer I miss my other friends and I wish it were easier to meet new people as well.
I'm gonna stop here for now. Time for a shower (bath, actually. Go ahead and laugh, but I enjoy pretending I get to use shampoo in a hot tub) and then I'm gonna do homework at The Good Cup. Haven't been there in a while, but I do love Grassland. After that, there's talks of "Cory's House," whic sounds pretty dnag awesome. I really want to see WALL-E, too. Finally, on Sunday, my ever-fave Bleu is playing at 12th & Porter. Score.
I'm out. I'll write more and carry out the original purpose of this blog (Scripture, Grace, and thoughts on Faith) soon. Please hold me to this.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Vacation Bible School
Here I sit on the couch of what I've dubbed "The Party" -- the house inhabited by my friends Kenley, Andrew, Dan, and Clark. I got up bright and early to take my first Rec Tech test of the summer and aced it, and then came here to catch 40 winks and hang out before my 11:45 Speech class.
Most of the other guys are asleep or out, so I'm in the living room typing this while Andrew Hill ("Where you at?") shares the den with me in thoughtful peace. It's still fairly early, and there's lots to do today: class, food, music, time with friends, maybe even some swimming or a workout at the Beaman. We'll see what I end up doing.
Anyway, most mornings I've been using the drive from ym house to campus as a time of meditation and prayer, almost always accompanied by the voice of Cash reading me the New Testament. I finished Matthew the other day, so I'm well into Mark, and it's incredible. Hearing the story of Christ's life told straight through in the poetic language of the New King James translation, read by one of my greatest heroes, has truly given me a deeper grasp of the Word of God.
It occurred to me that these days, it's easy to disregard the literary aspects of Scripture. If you're from a religious background, you may take offense at the Bible being perceived as "just some story," and may choose to view it as a personal rulebook of sorts. This is misled thinking. The books of the Old and New Testament are certainly not a man-made folklore or fable, but neither are they limited to being (as one cringe-worthy athletically-themed Bible was titled) "God's Gameplan".
I've begun to see the thematic, poetic, and literary beauty of the Gospel.
Most of the other guys are asleep or out, so I'm in the living room typing this while Andrew Hill ("Where you at?") shares the den with me in thoughtful peace. It's still fairly early, and there's lots to do today: class, food, music, time with friends, maybe even some swimming or a workout at the Beaman. We'll see what I end up doing.
Anyway, most mornings I've been using the drive from ym house to campus as a time of meditation and prayer, almost always accompanied by the voice of Cash reading me the New Testament. I finished Matthew the other day, so I'm well into Mark, and it's incredible. Hearing the story of Christ's life told straight through in the poetic language of the New King James translation, read by one of my greatest heroes, has truly given me a deeper grasp of the Word of God.
It occurred to me that these days, it's easy to disregard the literary aspects of Scripture. If you're from a religious background, you may take offense at the Bible being perceived as "just some story," and may choose to view it as a personal rulebook of sorts. This is misled thinking. The books of the Old and New Testament are certainly not a man-made folklore or fable, but neither are they limited to being (as one cringe-worthy athletically-themed Bible was titled) "God's Gameplan".
I've begun to see the thematic, poetic, and literary beauty of the Gospel.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Lots + I'm tired!
I'll try to make this brief for now. I need to get sleep soon!
Summer school started this morning. Getting up at 6 isn't fun, and neither is taking classes during the summer, but it's what needs to be done.
Music is exciting, fun, and a great sustainer. I've been playing, writing, and performing a lot lately and I love it. I wrote a new song today called "A Reason to Remember". I like it, but it's not finished yet. Here's to proliferation.
It can be horribly frustrating sometimes to know what's right, especially when I want to do the opposite. "The good I would do," I often do not, but sometimes it's just as frustrating to do the right thing.
Sometimes I feel like a total idiot and the epitome of awkwardness. All those dumb feelings can really compound themselves into making me lose focus of what I need to do. Here's a tip -- even if you're a hopeless case, don't give in to thinking of yourself that way. It doesn't help at all.
I finally got that collection of Cash reading the New Testament. It's beautiful. I listened through James and it was really moving. I'm most of the way through Matthew now. I feel so connected to Scripture when it's read by Johnny. It shouldn't make a difference, but he's such a hero and that voice makes me feel so at home. I feel as though he were my long-lost third grandfather.
I'll try to write more tomorrow between classes. I need to do some more Word study here and in general.
I'll leave you with a one-page essay I'm turning in tomorrow for Rec Tech...
*****************************
What Am I Doing Here?
There is a question that rests in the back of my mind – a problem that demands an answer, and an uncertainty that calls to be resolved. It is the persistent voice that asks, “What are you doing here?”
It’s a question that I’m sure everyone has heard, but its universal nature fails to lessen the sting of the issue. Each of us must decide what it is that he or she is meant to do, and each of us must have a personal explanation as to why. Without a sense of direction, we are left feeling adrift in a sea of insignificance.
Purpose, it seems, is the great myth of our times. It is the legendary, mystical ideal that everyone seeks but few seem to find. For myself as a student, a musician, and a human being, I find my purpose in creative expression.
I feel that I have been gifted with an imaginative spirit, and that it is my calling in life to use this gift to the best of my ability. By using my creativity to encourage and inspire others, I believe that I am carrying out the purpose for which my God created me. A deep sense of satisfaction and value fills me when I engage in the creative arts – especially those of words and music.
I have found my purpose in service and stewardship by using my creativity to help and encourage those around me. If I can be mindful of these convictions and motivations, my actions will be blessed with order and with great productivity. Perhaps most importantly of all, I will have an answer when I hear that decisive question -- “What are you doing here?”
*****************
Lord, let me be a bold and honorable man in your sight. Let me use whatever gifts you have given me for Your glory and not my own. Let me have the confidence and assurance that comes from knowing you and following your plan for my life.
Bless my adoring family and my wonderful friends, and grant us all the fullest of your peace and fruits. Let us be wise and truthful, compassionate and full of faith. May You be honored in all things.
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I pray these things.
Amen.
Summer school started this morning. Getting up at 6 isn't fun, and neither is taking classes during the summer, but it's what needs to be done.
Music is exciting, fun, and a great sustainer. I've been playing, writing, and performing a lot lately and I love it. I wrote a new song today called "A Reason to Remember". I like it, but it's not finished yet. Here's to proliferation.
It can be horribly frustrating sometimes to know what's right, especially when I want to do the opposite. "The good I would do," I often do not, but sometimes it's just as frustrating to do the right thing.
Sometimes I feel like a total idiot and the epitome of awkwardness. All those dumb feelings can really compound themselves into making me lose focus of what I need to do. Here's a tip -- even if you're a hopeless case, don't give in to thinking of yourself that way. It doesn't help at all.
I finally got that collection of Cash reading the New Testament. It's beautiful. I listened through James and it was really moving. I'm most of the way through Matthew now. I feel so connected to Scripture when it's read by Johnny. It shouldn't make a difference, but he's such a hero and that voice makes me feel so at home. I feel as though he were my long-lost third grandfather.
I'll try to write more tomorrow between classes. I need to do some more Word study here and in general.
I'll leave you with a one-page essay I'm turning in tomorrow for Rec Tech...
*****************************
What Am I Doing Here?
There is a question that rests in the back of my mind – a problem that demands an answer, and an uncertainty that calls to be resolved. It is the persistent voice that asks, “What are you doing here?”
It’s a question that I’m sure everyone has heard, but its universal nature fails to lessen the sting of the issue. Each of us must decide what it is that he or she is meant to do, and each of us must have a personal explanation as to why. Without a sense of direction, we are left feeling adrift in a sea of insignificance.
Purpose, it seems, is the great myth of our times. It is the legendary, mystical ideal that everyone seeks but few seem to find. For myself as a student, a musician, and a human being, I find my purpose in creative expression.
I feel that I have been gifted with an imaginative spirit, and that it is my calling in life to use this gift to the best of my ability. By using my creativity to encourage and inspire others, I believe that I am carrying out the purpose for which my God created me. A deep sense of satisfaction and value fills me when I engage in the creative arts – especially those of words and music.
I have found my purpose in service and stewardship by using my creativity to help and encourage those around me. If I can be mindful of these convictions and motivations, my actions will be blessed with order and with great productivity. Perhaps most importantly of all, I will have an answer when I hear that decisive question -- “What are you doing here?”
*****************
Lord, let me be a bold and honorable man in your sight. Let me use whatever gifts you have given me for Your glory and not my own. Let me have the confidence and assurance that comes from knowing you and following your plan for my life.
Bless my adoring family and my wonderful friends, and grant us all the fullest of your peace and fruits. Let us be wise and truthful, compassionate and full of faith. May You be honored in all things.
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I pray these things.
Amen.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Summer of Cash.
I feel like a broken record in more ways than one, but once again I have allowed myself to neglect this blog. It's far past time for an update.
In the famous words of Alice Cooper, "School's Out For Summer," and to say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. This semester was more difficult for me, but more on that later. That said, though, I do miss life at Belmont and being with everyone there.
It's only been about a week, so I haven't fully settled into the feel of summer, but it's been good so far. I've been blessed to have many friends staying in town this summer (thanks, apartments and houses!), and I'll certainly be interested to see how this break turns out.
Coming back to the aforementioned difficulties, I had a hard time with some things this past spring. School definitely suffered, as did some friendships. There are a lot of factors that contributed to a lot of problems, but I'll try to lay some of them out here.
First, I have the bad habit of periodically deciding that school isn't what I want to do and, in turn, neglecting it altogether. I start to take the approach of "if I can just mentally hibernate and get through this last hump, I'll be free!"
This is a horrible mindset to have, especially for me. Hiding from problems and sleeping them away is
I had some periods of extreme joy and excitement followed by crushing failure and (so it seemed to me) abandonment. This caused me to go into what was essentially an emotional and motivational tailspin. I suck to the bottom and felt I had no reason to fight or climb back up.
I now see that my perceived defeats and shortcomings were only compounded by my self-centered fears and motivations. I'm using the break offered by this summer to really learn more about who I am and where my worth is to be found. Here's what I've learned so far...
I recently rediscovered my love for Johnny Cash. A few weeks ago, I was reading about his life's work and discovered that a recording existed in which he read aloud the entire New Testament. I went to Borders and found that it was out of print (though just recently I ordered it through Barnes & Noble!), but I was able to track down his reading of Matthew online. Hearing his powerful, rich voice tell the story of Jesus made me more able to connect with it than perhaps ever before. It's sad, in a sense, that I previously lacked the desire or gumption necessary to actively read the gospels straight though, but I am thankful for the seed of excitement that Cash has reawakened in me for the Bible.
Johnny Cash is truly one of my heroes. As a musician, songwriter, author, and man of faith, he stands as a monument to all that I hope to be. He was not without his shortcomings, however, and he readily admitted that the drug abuse and wanton living of his youth was a tragic choice that put him in a place of despair and isolation from his family, friends, loves, and Lord. Cash's ability to arise from such a low and beaten place is a source of inspiration for me. His faith and love would not have been more evident, especially in his later years, and I wish merely to have a fraction of the passion and wisdom that John gained during his lifetime.
In the famous words of Alice Cooper, "School's Out For Summer," and to say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. This semester was more difficult for me, but more on that later. That said, though, I do miss life at Belmont and being with everyone there.
It's only been about a week, so I haven't fully settled into the feel of summer, but it's been good so far. I've been blessed to have many friends staying in town this summer (thanks, apartments and houses!), and I'll certainly be interested to see how this break turns out.
Coming back to the aforementioned difficulties, I had a hard time with some things this past spring. School definitely suffered, as did some friendships. There are a lot of factors that contributed to a lot of problems, but I'll try to lay some of them out here.
First, I have the bad habit of periodically deciding that school isn't what I want to do and, in turn, neglecting it altogether. I start to take the approach of "if I can just mentally hibernate and get through this last hump, I'll be free!"
This is a horrible mindset to have, especially for me. Hiding from problems and sleeping them away is
- A cop-out.
- Merely the start of more problems.
- A surefire way to make my life even more complicated and therefore less free.
I had some periods of extreme joy and excitement followed by crushing failure and (so it seemed to me) abandonment. This caused me to go into what was essentially an emotional and motivational tailspin. I suck to the bottom and felt I had no reason to fight or climb back up.
I now see that my perceived defeats and shortcomings were only compounded by my self-centered fears and motivations. I'm using the break offered by this summer to really learn more about who I am and where my worth is to be found. Here's what I've learned so far...
- I am not defined by my successes or failures.
- I am not made valuable though recognition or popularity.
- I am created by and in the image of a loving, surpassingly wise Creator.
- I am inherently worthy and beautiful, as are even my worst enemies.
I recently rediscovered my love for Johnny Cash. A few weeks ago, I was reading about his life's work and discovered that a recording existed in which he read aloud the entire New Testament. I went to Borders and found that it was out of print (though just recently I ordered it through Barnes & Noble!), but I was able to track down his reading of Matthew online. Hearing his powerful, rich voice tell the story of Jesus made me more able to connect with it than perhaps ever before. It's sad, in a sense, that I previously lacked the desire or gumption necessary to actively read the gospels straight though, but I am thankful for the seed of excitement that Cash has reawakened in me for the Bible.
Johnny Cash is truly one of my heroes. As a musician, songwriter, author, and man of faith, he stands as a monument to all that I hope to be. He was not without his shortcomings, however, and he readily admitted that the drug abuse and wanton living of his youth was a tragic choice that put him in a place of despair and isolation from his family, friends, loves, and Lord. Cash's ability to arise from such a low and beaten place is a source of inspiration for me. His faith and love would not have been more evident, especially in his later years, and I wish merely to have a fraction of the passion and wisdom that John gained during his lifetime.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Closure
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
It's been a long week. I've done a lot of work and neglected even more. I've worried over plans and seen pieces fall in and out of place. I've had my head stuck in the past and future, but rarely the present.
I've come to realize that I can be horribly inconsiderate, selfish, and stubborn. I tend to fixate and obsess, letting everything else fall to the wayside while I pursue whatever's got my attention. It's time to take a step back and do what needs to be done. This week, I'm going to attempt to do things a little differently. I've had some tensions recently between myself and my friends, my band, and my spirit. Some things have been sorted out, but there are still some gaping holes that it's time to fill.
I haven't yet decided exactly what the wisest actions for me to take are, but I'm praying that God wold show me guidance on how to finish this semester the best I can. That means that in my work, my friendships, and my faith, I need to return to the honest and righteous path that was originally set before me.
It's time for closure. As I've written before, I feel that this will be a big summer for me -- a time of growth, change, and new beginnings. First, however, there is much that must still be done (especially in terms of schoolwork!).
I pray that I would be truthful and forgiving, with the attitude of a humble servant rather than a self-important commander. Where there is confusion or tension, I pray that I would be directed to dissolve these things in the best way possible. I need a changed heart, a whole heart.
25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
It's been a long week. I've done a lot of work and neglected even more. I've worried over plans and seen pieces fall in and out of place. I've had my head stuck in the past and future, but rarely the present.
I've come to realize that I can be horribly inconsiderate, selfish, and stubborn. I tend to fixate and obsess, letting everything else fall to the wayside while I pursue whatever's got my attention. It's time to take a step back and do what needs to be done. This week, I'm going to attempt to do things a little differently. I've had some tensions recently between myself and my friends, my band, and my spirit. Some things have been sorted out, but there are still some gaping holes that it's time to fill.
I haven't yet decided exactly what the wisest actions for me to take are, but I'm praying that God wold show me guidance on how to finish this semester the best I can. That means that in my work, my friendships, and my faith, I need to return to the honest and righteous path that was originally set before me.
It's time for closure. As I've written before, I feel that this will be a big summer for me -- a time of growth, change, and new beginnings. First, however, there is much that must still be done (especially in terms of schoolwork!).
I pray that I would be truthful and forgiving, with the attitude of a humble servant rather than a self-important commander. Where there is confusion or tension, I pray that I would be directed to dissolve these things in the best way possible. I need a changed heart, a whole heart.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I am. I AM.
I am
In light of all the things I am and am not, and in the greater light of all that my God IS, let me learn to discard my ways and pick up the mantle of the Holy and Perfect Father. My problems arise from my humanity and my sin -- my unfulfilled desires and my selfish ways of trying to satisfy myself. If I truly believed and had the assurance of I AM, I should need nothing more.
Here's something I wrote recently. I think this was the poem I wrote after a long and strange night I'll talk about later. I'd just seen Sleeping At Last play and I had met a homeless man named Michael. I was thinking about who I wanted to be and who I am.
Flourish, O my Faith, and grow
Into a mighty tree of oak.
Forget the pains and painted woes --
The doubts that sprouted forth in smoke.
That's all there is so far. I want to work more on this.
I'll go ahead and post some more lyrics/poems I've been working on.
I think this next one will be a song with a bit of a swing feel.
Pen to paper, lips to words
Each result is so absurd
Hand to forehead, eyes to floor
Fake a smile and find the door
And it's such a tragic ending
Yes, each act is the same
I'm the Fool who keeps pretending
That he'll Rob the royal name.
More to come on that one as well. I think i've got one or two more to share... but they're in antoher notebook. Oh well. this has gone on far too logn. I'm hot from having my laptop in my lap, and I have to get up at 8 AM for class. Plus i have a 9:30 test. Darn.
Lord, let me follow You and not myself. Give me strength and purpose, assurance and will. Let me be a light for Your sake and a beacon of truth.
Good night.
- tired
- busy
- avoiding my problems
- creating much bigger ones
- distracted
- creatively inspired
- a bit depressed
- overwhelmed
- far too hopeful
- relentlessly searching
- off-schedule
- stuck in the past and future
- writing a lot, but not on here
- going to fix that
- trying to improve myself
- trying to let go
- trying not to try so hard
- going to stop this list.
In light of all the things I am and am not, and in the greater light of all that my God IS, let me learn to discard my ways and pick up the mantle of the Holy and Perfect Father. My problems arise from my humanity and my sin -- my unfulfilled desires and my selfish ways of trying to satisfy myself. If I truly believed and had the assurance of I AM, I should need nothing more.
Here's something I wrote recently. I think this was the poem I wrote after a long and strange night I'll talk about later. I'd just seen Sleeping At Last play and I had met a homeless man named Michael. I was thinking about who I wanted to be and who I am.
Flourish, O my Faith, and grow
Into a mighty tree of oak.
Forget the pains and painted woes --
The doubts that sprouted forth in smoke.
That's all there is so far. I want to work more on this.
I'll go ahead and post some more lyrics/poems I've been working on.
I think this next one will be a song with a bit of a swing feel.
Pen to paper, lips to words
Each result is so absurd
Hand to forehead, eyes to floor
Fake a smile and find the door
And it's such a tragic ending
Yes, each act is the same
I'm the Fool who keeps pretending
That he'll Rob the royal name.
More to come on that one as well. I think i've got one or two more to share... but they're in antoher notebook. Oh well. this has gone on far too logn. I'm hot from having my laptop in my lap, and I have to get up at 8 AM for class. Plus i have a 9:30 test. Darn.
Lord, let me follow You and not myself. Give me strength and purpose, assurance and will. Let me be a light for Your sake and a beacon of truth.
Good night.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Time wears thin and slumber calls/
Therefore, I will outline points/
Bullet-notes to spark my mind/
Highlights of my recent days.
I'll flesh them out later.
Let me speak with Your tongue
Let me walk with Your feet
Let me act with Your hands
By Your heart may I beat.
Therefore, I will outline points/
Bullet-notes to spark my mind/
Highlights of my recent days.
I'll flesh them out later.
- Michael, the homeless friend tonight outside Exit/In
- Sleeping At Last Show tonight
- Finishing "Searching For God Knows What"
- Oh how I need my Savior
- The Unexpected
- Shower thoughts on Sunday / Church
- What is Love? (Baby Don't Hurt Me)
Let me speak with Your tongue
Let me walk with Your feet
Let me act with Your hands
By Your heart may I beat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)