Goodness, Gracious

Still happy.

Tonight has been an absolute blast! Live back at Belmont this fall has started wonderfully. I'm living in my first apartment, on campus in Hillside with some of my best friends. Read, Mike, and our new friend Brinley are holding down 2701 with me, and we've had so much fun together. Tonight was some good old fellowship and fun, with incredible hamburgers at Brown's diner, followed by fresh-baked Ghirardelli brownies at the apt, then a screening of my favorite movie of all time... Back to the Future! I was grinning and happily chuckling throughout the whole movie -- it's just so good, and the night's been so much fun. Not to mention that we're cooking our weekly Saturday Morning Super-breakfast in the AM, complete wiht Applewood smoked bacon. mmmm....

Now that I have that block of text out of the way and I've expressed just how happy I'm feeling right now, I'll catch up a bit. As I mentioned, the fall semester here at Belmont has been off to a good start. I'm really enjoying my classes, and it's been wonderful to reunite with my friends. I've been really busy with music, too -- The Nova Ray has been hard at work with new songs and shows, and I've kept up playing with Austin Manuel, too. I'm looking forward to playing some more of my solo songs as well. We'll see what this fall holds.

I've felt some good community with God as of late, too. I haven't always kept Him as my focus, but it's been easier than it was this time last year. Things are simpler and I'm finding that I have more of a desire to read, speak, and live acording to the Gospel.

I've gotta take a break now.. we're about to start BTTF II.
More to come later.

-Rob

Happiness.

I'm happy right now. Very much so.

I have to keep this short, because I've gotta get up at 7:30 for work, but I wanted to leave a little post.

Friends are returning to town, school is about to start, business is picking up, and I find myself in one of the best mindsets I've ever had. I'm experiencing joy, purpose, confidence, and excitement in a deeper way than I usually do, and it's a wonderful thing.

I've recently learned a lot about what it means to be open and honest with people. It's not quite as hard as it seems, and rewards one with deeper relationships and a comforting peace of mind. I love my friends so much, and I want to bless them with encouragement and authentic care.

I'll write more soon! For now, it's bedtime.

Restored

I'm crying. Relief, joy, stress, fear.. these and a lot more are trickling down. Thank you, God, for your gifts and guidance. You're all I need. I will trust in You for ever.

I think I've used this one before, but the Word is ever-true. My thoughts and heart have turned to Psalm 23...

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

June Bugs.

Late. Late, Late, Late.

My apologies for being so negligent. It's no good to go so long without writing here. Things have been busy, with summer classes, music, family, and friends. It's been a good summer, and I've seen a lot of personal growth, which is definitely a good thing.

I've been working hard in my classes, and making As again. I've rediscovered my scholastic prowess, so to speak,and it feels good to apply myself and succeed. It may not be the first thing on my mind, but it's good to have education and occupation on my side.

Songs, music, songwriting, performing, instrument proficiency... these things have been twirling in my brain constantly for the past few weeks. It can be tough to take a step back from myself and my creative output, but I think that with patience and practice I'll develop the skill. I love the whole process of writing and developing a song -- it really feels like my truest self shining through, and when everything's right where it belongs, I get a small taste of what God must feel at glimpsing his Creation in full Glory.

Pause. I'm not trying to compare myself to God. I am made in His image, though, and so it makes sense that I'd find meaning and joy in the same things that please Him.

Aside from music and school, I've loved getting to hang out with my friends lately. Colton got back in town a few weeks ago, and Ryan I. is in town for the whole summer now, so that's been great. Two of Coco's friends from Baylor, Michael and Ryan W, are here for the summer and I'm glad I've gotten to know them. Of course, I love being with GJ, JR, and Mary, though this past week I didn't get to hang out with them.

That being said, summer's kind of dead, because a lot of friends from Belmont and CPA are gone, and so I have a limited amount of people to hang out with. I love them a lot, but during the summer I miss my other friends and I wish it were easier to meet new people as well.

I'm gonna stop here for now. Time for a shower (bath, actually. Go ahead and laugh, but I enjoy pretending I get to use shampoo in a hot tub) and then I'm gonna do homework at The Good Cup. Haven't been there in a while, but I do love Grassland. After that, there's talks of "Cory's House," whic sounds pretty dnag awesome. I really want to see WALL-E, too. Finally, on Sunday, my ever-fave Bleu is playing at 12th & Porter. Score.

I'm out. I'll write more and carry out the original purpose of this blog (Scripture, Grace, and thoughts on Faith) soon. Please hold me to this.

Vacation Bible School

Here I sit on the couch of what I've dubbed "The Party" -- the house inhabited by my friends Kenley, Andrew, Dan, and Clark. I got up bright and early to take my first Rec Tech test of the summer and aced it, and then came here to catch 40 winks and hang out before my 11:45 Speech class.

Most of the other guys are asleep or out, so I'm in the living room typing this while Andrew Hill ("Where you at?") shares the den with me in thoughtful peace. It's still fairly early, and there's lots to do today: class, food, music, time with friends, maybe even some swimming or a workout at the Beaman. We'll see what I end up doing.

Anyway, most mornings I've been using the drive from ym house to campus as a time of meditation and prayer, almost always accompanied by the voice of Cash reading me the New Testament. I finished Matthew the other day, so I'm well into Mark, and it's incredible. Hearing the story of Christ's life told straight through in the poetic language of the New King James translation, read by one of my greatest heroes, has truly given me a deeper grasp of the Word of God.

It occurred to me that these days, it's easy to disregard the literary aspects of Scripture. If you're from a religious background, you may take offense at the Bible being perceived as "just some story," and may choose to view it as a personal rulebook of sorts. This is misled thinking. The books of the Old and New Testament are certainly not a man-made folklore or fable, but neither are they limited to being (as one cringe-worthy athletically-themed Bible was titled) "God's Gameplan".

I've begun to see the thematic, poetic, and literary beauty of the Gospel.

Lots + I'm tired!

I'll try to make this brief for now. I need to get sleep soon!

Summer school started this morning. Getting up at 6 isn't fun, and neither is taking classes during the summer, but it's what needs to be done.

Music is exciting, fun, and a great sustainer. I've been playing, writing, and performing a lot lately and I love it. I wrote a new song today called "A Reason to Remember". I like it, but it's not finished yet. Here's to proliferation.

It can be horribly frustrating sometimes to know what's right, especially when I want to do the opposite. "The good I would do," I often do not, but sometimes it's just as frustrating to do the right thing.

Sometimes I feel like a total idiot and the epitome of awkwardness. All those dumb feelings can really compound themselves into making me lose focus of what I need to do. Here's a tip -- even if you're a hopeless case, don't give in to thinking of yourself that way. It doesn't help at all.

I finally got that collection of Cash reading the New Testament. It's beautiful. I listened through James and it was really moving. I'm most of the way through Matthew now. I feel so connected to Scripture when it's read by Johnny. It shouldn't make a difference, but he's such a hero and that voice makes me feel so at home. I feel as though he were my long-lost third grandfather.

I'll try to write more tomorrow between classes. I need to do some more Word study here and in general.

I'll leave you with a one-page essay I'm turning in tomorrow for Rec Tech...

*****************************

What Am I Doing Here?
There is a question that rests in the back of my mind – a problem that demands an answer, and an uncertainty that calls to be resolved. It is the persistent voice that asks, “What are you doing here?”
It’s a question that I’m sure everyone has heard, but its universal nature fails to lessen the sting of the issue. Each of us must decide what it is that he or she is meant to do, and each of us must have a personal explanation as to why. Without a sense of direction, we are left feeling adrift in a sea of insignificance.
Purpose, it seems, is the great myth of our times. It is the legendary, mystical ideal that everyone seeks but few seem to find. For myself as a student, a musician, and a human being, I find my purpose in creative expression.
I feel that I have been gifted with an imaginative spirit, and that it is my calling in life to use this gift to the best of my ability. By using my creativity to encourage and inspire others, I believe that I am carrying out the purpose for which my God created me. A deep sense of satisfaction and value fills me when I engage in the creative arts – especially those of words and music.
I have found my purpose in service and stewardship by using my creativity to help and encourage those around me. If I can be mindful of these convictions and motivations, my actions will be blessed with order and with great productivity. Perhaps most importantly of all, I will have an answer when I hear that decisive question -- “What are you doing here?”

*****************

Lord, let me be a bold and honorable man in your sight. Let me use whatever gifts you have given me for Your glory and not my own. Let me have the confidence and assurance that comes from knowing you and following your plan for my life.

Bless my adoring family and my wonderful friends, and grant us all the fullest of your peace and fruits. Let us be wise and truthful, compassionate and full of faith. May You be honored in all things.

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I pray these things.

Amen.

Summer of Cash.

I feel like a broken record in more ways than one, but once again I have allowed myself to neglect this blog. It's far past time for an update.

In the famous words of Alice Cooper, "School's Out For Summer," and to say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. This semester was more difficult for me, but more on that later. That said, though, I do miss life at Belmont and being with everyone there.

It's only been about a week, so I haven't fully settled into the feel of summer, but it's been good so far. I've been blessed to have many friends staying in town this summer (thanks, apartments and houses!), and I'll certainly be interested to see how this break turns out.

Coming back to the aforementioned difficulties, I had a hard time with some things this past spring. School definitely suffered, as did some friendships. There are a lot of factors that contributed to a lot of problems, but I'll try to lay some of them out here.

First, I have the bad habit of periodically deciding that school isn't what I want to do and, in turn, neglecting it altogether. I start to take the approach of "if I can just mentally hibernate and get through this last hump, I'll be free!"
This is a horrible mindset to have, especially for me. Hiding from problems and sleeping them away is

1. A cop-out.
2. Merely the start of more problems.
3. A surefire way to make my life even more complicated and therefore less free.

Another difficulty I faced was in dealing with other people. I got so wrapped up in my own head -- my dreams, insecurities, expectations, and failures -- that I ended up becoming someone I don't really want to be. I was distant, awkward, selfish, and melancholy when I should have been encouraging, confident, helpful, and filled with hope.

I had some periods of extreme joy and excitement followed by crushing failure and (so it seemed to me) abandonment. This caused me to go into what was essentially an emotional and motivational tailspin. I suck to the bottom and felt I had no reason to fight or climb back up.

I now see that my perceived defeats and shortcomings were only compounded by my self-centered fears and motivations. I'm using the break offered by this summer to really learn more about who I am and where my worth is to be found. Here's what I've learned so far...

• I am not defined by my successes or failures.
• I am not made valuable though recognition or popularity.
• I am created by and in the image of a loving, surpassingly wise Creator.
• I am inherently worthy and beautiful, as are even my worst enemies.

*************************

I recently rediscovered my love for Johnny Cash. A few weeks ago, I was reading about his life's work and discovered that a recording existed in which he read aloud the entire New Testament. I went to Borders and found that it was out of print (though just recently I ordered it through Barnes & Noble!), but I was able to track down his reading of Matthew online. Hearing his powerful, rich voice tell the story of Jesus made me more able to connect with it than perhaps ever before. It's sad, in a sense, that I previously lacked the desire or gumption necessary to actively read the gospels straight though, but I am thankful for the seed of excitement that Cash has reawakened in me for the Bible.

Johnny Cash is truly one of my heroes. As a musician, songwriter, author, and man of faith, he stands as a monument to all that I hope to be. He was not without his shortcomings, however, and he readily admitted that the drug abuse and wanton living of his youth was a tragic choice that put him in a place of despair and isolation from his family, friends, loves, and Lord. Cash's ability to arise from such a low and beaten place is a source of inspiration for me. His faith and love would not have been more evident, especially in his later years, and I wish merely to have a fraction of the passion and wisdom that John gained during his lifetime.